Sweety, you are not a burden, nor are you "defective".

You are not a mistake, or cursed, or unloved.

What I see when I read your writing is a loving, articulate, sensitive, intelligent young woman. I read your writing before I knew you live with the challenges of autism.

I believe you can learn to do whatever you need to to be whatever you need to be.

Growing up, I always wanted to be one of those people that everything comes to easily, who never seem to have trouble with the system, who never seem to get picked on for anything and always have tons of friends. Who always seem to get the good grades, the admiration of adults, the opportunities to do all the "cool" stuff.

As I got older, I found out some other things about those types of people. They never seem to grow up. They never seem to acquire any sensitivity to others. They never grow beyond themselves, or become adults with any depth at all. They actually have poor lives because they never develop the ability to really connect with or love anyone other than themselves. They remain ignorant of most of what life really has to offer. They stay pretty much exactly the same as they were in middle and high school. I think that's pretty sad. I have learned to pity these poor, ignorant souls, as they miss most of what life has to offer, and can never really experience happiness, because they never achieve enough personal depth to feel real loss either. They simply don't have the capacity to understand the hurt they have inflicted, nor do they have the capacity to care or be cared about very deeply.

You are the blessed one hon, you experience more of life in one day than these ignorant souls have in a whole lifetime. It doesn't make any of this easier at all, of course. With great capacity to feel and understand comes great capacity to be hurt, and usually the need to struggle greatly for your achievements. Thank goodness we are all different. I know I wouldn't want to go through life blinded and deafened by an incapacity to love or understand. Book learning isn't the be-all and end-all of life and living. You do not have to be a corporate success to be a success in life. Do what you love, and find a way to make it a life work hon. You can do whatever you need to do to make it happen and succeed in your life for you. Autism is another way of saying "sensitive to different things than most". It doesn't mean stupid, or incapable of life. It means that different things work differently for you, and that sometimes you have to work a little harder to be recognized in a cookie-cutter world. Don't make the mistake of agreeing with other people's labels for you. They need a label to try and pigeonhole your qualities for their own comfort. The label isn't the substance of who you are. You alone can define that, and definitions change over time. Be who you are, find a way for the things you love to do to bring you security in life, and don't worry about how anyone else perceives you. Those who really care will find out for themselves exactly who you are and value you for it. Everyone else can go fly a kite!


((HUGS))

As always,
Black Rose

I empathize, Mooncat.

It is very difficult to be so different from the mainstream.  One of the universals in the run of humanity is the capacity for stupidity, and the treatment of people who are different is one of the truths of that capacity.

I agree with Black Rose in saying you are not a mistake, or cursed, or anything.  You are what you are, what you should be, however difficult.  Being different is not the same as being less, the path you're on is no less true for being more rare.  It is obvious from what I have read of you that you are a good person, and that's the most important thing to be.  I can say that I'm happier being an admitted freak than being the more usual cruel, bigoted, or judgemental.  The problems I've had because of my own miswired brain are much smaller in scale, but enough to let me empathize, if not necessarily understand.

Different is one of the hardest, most valuble and necessary paths to walk, because the world can be cruel.  I offer up the quote, "Whatever it is you may be, be sure to be a good one".  Gods bless your path, whichever one it ends up being.

((hugs))

MoonCat wrote on Nov 2^nd, 2007 at 6:59pm:

You definately come across as a good person, well-mannered and polite.  The anonymity of computers means I'd be more willing to trust what I see online of a person's character, and you really show your maturity.

MoonCat wrote on Nov 2^nd, 2007 at 6:59pm:

Oh, yeah, the horrors being visited on the english language in the name of "chatspeak" or, worse, "leetspeak" are simply atrocious.  It puzzles me, since online everyone must be judged solely by their words, why people would want to present themselves like *that*.  But I guess it's how we know to avoid such people.

MoonCat wrote on Nov 2^nd, 2007 at 6:59pm:

Anytime