Understood. I can't wait to see what it looks like!

I think it's going to be awesome! It'll be your original work too and that's a bonus in my mind! Not all book covers are done on computers even these days, I think I've seen some that were paintings or done with pastels. It all depends on what the author wants and what is best for their book.

I have a picture in my mind of what I want NR's cover to be, I'm thinking a background of the Nova Scotia flag or the NS Tartan, maybe a scenic view of part of the coastline along this part of the province... So many possibilities!

Since you're still up and it's nearly 1 am there, I hope it's quick!

I didn't much more proofing done tonight -- eyes are still complaining -- but I'm past the halfway point in the manuscript so I'm not too unhappy about that. Tomorrow is another day and I WILL get more done!

Nite, VE.See you tomorrow sometime.

We have thunder and heavy rain in moving in and I expect to be knocked offline pretty soon so I'm going to head out while I can still post.

Everyone sleep well and be safe.

Morning everyone.

all around! Maybe sometime I'll share a little more about what happened to my sister, thanks to the bio father of her son.. I still get rather ticked off when I think about that time... I know my sister and I don't get along at all but she didn't deserve it. No one does.

RT, that idea for series book covers is cool... I've seen books and DVDs like that and I like it. Penth and I have been discussing exactly what she has in mind for Book 2's cover and it'll be another original design, except I'm going to mess around with a love of my BIL's, photography. I'm also going to see if he wouldn't mind letting me use his camera but with my memory card (the flash on mine is shot) and maybe even help me set up the shot perfectly. Gotta talk to him though!

I'm still half out of it from yesterday's ALL DAY writing session (Thank the gods C33 is done, another step closer to finishing NR!) and I'll be editing/rereading it in FULL today between things, and I may even attack C34 if the brain is up to it.

Tonight is also the season premiere of CSI... So y'all know where I'll be at 11 p.m. Atlantic Time!

NICKY FIX for Veridian!!!!

Anyway, I'm here for now. I need more liquid caffeine.... 

I'm tired of the pity.  And of everyone around me wondering why I want to get back together with him.  Of not knowing if he wants to get back together with me, because we cannot contact each other at all right now.

I miss him.  I am lonely without him.  As much as he hurt me, it hurts more not to have him.  Because I'm not normal.  I don't feel things the way that other people do.  I'm such a strong empath, that all my life, I never quite knew if what I was feeling were my own emotions or other people's emotions.  And most of the time, it turned out it was other people's emotions, because when I was alone, I didn't feel anything.  I didn't miss people.  I didn't feel connected to people.

But now?  When I'm alone, I feel.  I'm lonely now, and I've never been lonely in my life.  He made me FEEL.  Really feel.  And I KNEW that they were MY emotions, not anyone else's.  And no one around me understands how powerful that is.  How hard that is to let go of.

I think one thing that really bothers me is that they only see him as an abuser.  And I see him as sick.  He's bipolar, and it took this for him to realize that he had to get into treatment before it got worse than it already was.

I know he should not have hurt me.  I'm not stupid.  I know I deserve to be treated better.

But I also know I do share some of the blame.  If I'd reported it sooner, maybe we'd already have fixed things, and wouldn't be going through this right now.  Or we'd have moved on.  And I used to push his buttons, on purpose, because I was so angry at him.  I'd say things and do things purposely trying to push him away and make him hate me because I was so hurt.  I reacted rashly and impulsively, and I was honestly just as destructive to our marriage as he was.

But because I'm the one with bruises, he's the bad guy to everyone else.  They just don't see how I've hurt him.  They blame him completely, even though I could have handled things differently.

And I'm not saying that I brought the abuse on myself.  I'm not.  Just that if I had handled things differently, maybe it wouldn't have happened like this.

Thank you so much for that.

I keep thinking that if he had cancer, no one would fault me for sticking by him no matter what.  But mental illness?  Meh... let him go they tell me.  He can only change if he wants to, and he doesn't want to change they tell me.

Everyone is convinced he's just manipulative and mean.  But I've seen him fight back the tears.  He's broken down multiple times in the last few days, and it breaks my heart that I can't be there to pick up the pieces, that I have to let him go through this without me, so that we can maybe someday be together again.

And I'm scared because he's with his parents, and they hate me.  They've wanted us divorced from the start, and I'm afraid that living with him, they'll end up convincing him of that.

I'm also frustrated, because I'm a firm believer in meant to be.  I firmly believe in seeing the future.  And every reading about him and I tells me that we will work things out in the end.  That it's going to be a rough, rough road, but it's going to be worth it.  And the people around me, people who over and over have come to me for readings, are now telling me, 'Oh, don't believe the cards.  You're only seeing what you want to see.'

And yeah, I know there's a danger in that, but there are certain cards and combinations that you can't exactly change the meaning to, that are very, very obvious in their meaning, and I keep getting those cards.

When we first talked about getting married, we were planning this huge party wedding.  He picked out all the colors, and was planning everything.  I only had say in my dress and our honeymoon LOL  but he picked colors that I adored, hot pink and lime green, and it would have been perfect for us, but very expensive.

We ended up rushing the wedding and not being able to do that.  But as part of those plans, we were going to dance down the aisle to "Party Rock Anthem."  It was hugely popular at the time we were planning the wedding, and it would have been so fun and quirky, just like us.

Whenever we've had trouble in our relationship, and I wasn't sure it was going to work out, suddenly, I'd hear that song, even if I hadn't heard it in awhile.

In fact, I don't recall hearing that song in a few months.  We'd been listening to mix CDs lately, and that song wasn't on any of them.

Since he moved out, I've heard that song no less than 18 times.

And the other day, I was watching Dancing with the Stars, and suddenly, one of the couples was dancing to that song.  And I just broke down.  I absolutely broke down.  It just crushed me.  Because I'd always said that was one of my signs that we were meant to be.

In fact, last summer, before we got married, we broke up for two weeks.  And I waited, stuck by him while he did his thing.  It was really hard.  And one day, we were sitting in the garage, and suddenly that song came on the radio, and we just looked at each other.  He smiled, I smiled, and suddenly, I knew that it was going to be OK.

And things like that happened over and over again with that song.  After we got back together that time, we hadn't heard the song in awhile.  Then suddenly, it came on the radio, and he said, "Hmm... I think that's a sign about who I'm supposed to be with."

And it shocked me that he said that.  Because nobody knows how much I look for signs.  They get hints of it every once and awhile, but nobody knows how much I see them. Everywhere.

And I'm still seeing them.  I know this isn't going to be easy.  I know seeing the signs might be wishful thinking.  But right now, I have to have hope.

My son and niece keep telling me that I've set my hopes too high.  And I don't think they realize that it crushes me to hear that.

I'm realistic.  I know it's going to be a long hard road.  I know he might not change, because getting counseling and meds is just one step, staying on it is harder.  I know that he might decide his life is better without me, or that my life is better without him, and he'll decide he does want a divorce after all.  His family might decide to tell him if we ever get back together, they'll disown him, and he might listen to them.  These are all things that I know.  But I still have to have hope.  And I will wait for him, because he's all I want.

I'm starting chapter 34, the first paragraph is there and I'll be continuing to write for a while as long as Hubby is gone and my brain cooperates.

Afternoon.
The rain has finally let up enough for me to get online. I don't know for how long because the radar shows more "incoming" but I'm not going to complain. The creeks, streams, rivers, lakes, ponds, etc are STILL way below "full."

AR, there is nothing I can say that VE and RT hasn't already said so I'll just and let it go at that.

P.S. I know how it is to need hope. I'm still hanging onto mine.