Penthesilea wrote on May 31
st, 2011 at 7:01pm:
Sounds like Uni might be getting you psychologically prepared for something...
I'd tell Uni not yet, but we all know Uni works on Uni's own personal timeline. Making us wait ages for some stuff, and throwing other stuff at us way before we think we're ready.
It's got me doubly perturbed, because I was doing a reading for Torrie, one of the foster kids (the two girls technically live with my roommates, but since we're all a big family, they're mine, too), and Jeremy came in. "Hey, I want a reading." I'd never read for him before, and we'd just started dating. I knew, knew it probably would end up freaking me out. Of course... And I warned him about that. Torrie pointed out how accurate I am. He still wanted the reading.
So up comes The Queen of Pentacles (my card coincidentally... I am so Earth Mama, it's not even funny!), crossed by The Four of Wands.
Now, I have creepiness surrounding the Four of Wands, in that if it appears in position 2 of the Celtic Cross, and engagement is coming within six months, and if it appears in position 8, a marriage is coming in the next six months.
This is based on many, many years of experience, and many, many, many readings that it has happened in.
So I'm all, "Okay, that's my card, and that's the marriage card, but of course the cards are only as accurate as we make them, and anything can change." I mean, really, what guy is even thinking about marriage three days into a new relationship...
Anyway, he picks up the Queen of Pentacles, and says, "Does this mean a pregnancy soon? Because she's holding something here." Jaw drop....
Crap, crap, crap... and crap.
Add to this... I can't use condoms. I have this weird thing about me, and I know it's weird. There is NO medical explanation for this, perhaps it's just my body's way of saying, "Hey, he's not good for you." I have to have skin-to-skin contact or it BURNS. And, well, burning down there? Not so much fun. Condoms burn me to the point that I have pain for days after using one. And if I don't have feelings for the guy? It burns. Seriously... if I'm in a relationship, and it starts to burn when we have sex, I know it's time to get out of the relationship. I've never had any disease, I've been tested. The doctors have no explanation for why this happens. The last time the ex and I had sex, it burned. I knew right then, that was it. We were done.
I also can't use birth control. It messes with me something awful. Throws my entire system so out of whack, I'm sick for months even after stopping.
I tell guys this before doing ANYTHING with them. I let them know flat out that the chances of me actually getting pregnant are very, very small, but anything is still possible. I'm fully aware that the "pull-out" method is a joke. There's still a significant chance of getting pregnant if that's your preferred form of birth control. So guys know that if they are going to be with me, they are taking the chance, however small, that I'll get pregnant.
It's why I've only been with 13 guys. (My perfect man is lucky number 13!) Because if I'm taking the chance of getting pregnant, it better darn well be with a guy who I think would make good babies. Don't care if he'd make a good daddy LOL I raised my son without his birth father, and he turned out fantastic!
So yeah, Uni very well could be preparing me for something. And... freaked out as I am... I'm kinda okay with it. Because I know in my heart Jeremy would be there every step of the way, and he'd be a fantastic father. And yes, he'd make very good babies.